Where is my path leading me?

While sitting in church on Sunday I found my mind wondering and various topics for "talks" kept entering my head. I thought to myself, "when I get home, I'll get a notebook and write them down, maybe they would be good blog topics." But, when I got home, I started running around and getting ready to go to the pool and all of those ideas walked right out of my brain. Now, I can't remember any of them. I confessed tonight, I believed that to be one of those "missed opportunities" where God came to me in thought and I dismissed Him. When I started this blog it was to help keep me accountable, and honestly I am hoping that some of those ideas will resurface as I work on this tonight.



Over the past year, I have felt a stronger calling to do something more...The desire to speak and encompass a stronger confidence in speaking about God and His role for us in our lives keeps pulling on me. While I am totally fearful that I would be a total failure and say stuff that makes no sense, I am also afraid of putting the spotlight on myself and it not reflecting the way I would hope. The ultimate fear of exposing ourselves for what we really are, what God knows us to be when so many others do not.



I worry that I don't know enough about the Bible, I can't quote scripture and I don't know where to look for certain stories. There are classic Bible stories that I know, but so many others that I am clueless about. Yes, it's up to me to read and find out. I worry that it's me driving the boat so to speak instead of God sending me ideas. What if it's just my crazy scatterbrain that has the personality type of looking at all kinds of options. How do you really know for sure that it's God telling you what to do? I feel like my brain is always going 100 miles an hour and even when I try to slow it down and just listen.....I get distracted and can't focus. I feel like I'm a good talker but maybe not so much a listener. I'm good at talking to God, but not good at listening for Him.



I wish I could be a better worship leader. I'm afraid to step outside of my box to just worship because I am afraid of what others will say or think. I'm afraid to let go and let God be in control, to let Him direct me. Probably because I am afraid of what He'll do. I don't want to be the crazy church lady... I don't want to be looked upon as a "wierdo". Granted...some people already feel that way........



How do I get my brave hat on? How do I step outside of my comfort zone for God and push the boundaries? I know this has to happen in order for me to find the path He is leading me. I have been praying for the past year for His path to become clear to me. I know He has been trying to shine a light on it, and I keep looking away or finding something else to do to avoid it. I know in order to focus, I have to work hard at it. Unfortunatley, working hard at that is like exercise for me. I know I need to do it, it would improve my health drastically, I would look and feel better, when I do it I'm extremely proud of myself,but yet I find too many excuses to not...because it isn't easy.

Thank you friends tonight for giving me an outlet to express what was going with me. You inspired me to write tonight!!

This year is flying by and in the past few weeks so many things have happened. As I started out this year,momentous milestones were preparing to begin. Little did I know how difficult they would be and also very joyous and exciting. Granted, most of these are "Jordan" related, but as I type this, we are planning for Coop's 8th bday in a couple of weeks.

As Jordan so excitedly reminded me ....she has done a lot so far this year. She has gotten her lifeguard certification, obtained a job, opened her first checking account, obtained her learners permit and tonight...her first Prom. It's only May....

Coop now measures himself weekly to see if he is taller than me yet and each week he gets a little closer. He has learned to ride his bike, FINALLY. In between all of this...ballgames, ballgames, practice and ballgames for each kid!!!

Every time I start to complain about all the craziness that is our life these days, I remind myself how blessed we are. Our kids are healthy and are able to do all these things that we take for granted; we are healthy and able to run around with them; and we have a wonderful family that wants to be a part of each others lives by supporting each other at sporting, music and every other event possible. WOW...that's amazing..and only possible because God loves us soooooo.

So tonight is Prom...She and Josh made a gorgeous couple and Jordan looked like a Princess. I can't hardly believe that she is old enough to be doing this. Where did my little girl go? I am so proud of her, not for the beauty she has on the outside, but for the awesome young lady she has become. I am so blessed to be her mom. I wish I had been like her when I was growing up.

So another milestone has been achieved with many more to come this year. Not sure I have enough tissues for this year...Stock suggestion..whoever owns Kleenex!!!!(LOL)

Children are one of the precious gifts God ever gave us...I can't fathom how difficult it was for Him to sacrifice His One and Only for me and you. WOW...I don't know what else to say.

It isn't Logicial...It's Faith

This week the theme of articles on the internet have focused on scientific explanations and theories to prove or disprove The Resurrection, Passover and Heaven. Questions such as: "Do we have bodies in Heaven?" "Was the resurrection of Jesus just metaphor?" "Was Passover just a coincidence of events on earth?" I remember seeing a video that our youth pastor played fone night at our service that went through all kinds of things that we can't see or touch but that are just part of the world we live in. They just are...You cant' prove love, it just is.

Faith:belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something without logical proof.

It's so simple and yet so hard for people to understand.

We spend our days trying to figure everything out, putting things on spreadsheets, powerpoints, charts and graphs. Organizing here and delegating there. Arguing our points and the statistics to back them up. Documenting this action and crossing our t's and dotting our i's. We have a theory or psychoanalysis for all kinds of behaviors and a reaction to so many others.

The Resurrection requires only for us to hear and believe. Why on earth would God love us that much that He would send His only Son to be humiliated, beaten and hung on a cross to die? He loves us that much. The proof is on the cross. He rose and walked on the earth to prove to us that it did happen. We are only to believe Him.

And no, I have no idea what to expect in Heaven, or what I will look like, or if my body will be there with me. I really don't care. I will be in the presence of God and that is all that matters. He made a promise and I believe Him.

The Resurrection is our hope of life with Him. Hope isn't tangible, Love isn't tangible, Faith isn't tangible it just IS!!! We see symbols and expressions of all those things everyday, but we can't touch or prove the essence. It isn't logical...its's Faith!!

Working Out My Life Sucker

Well it has certainly been a while since I felt "inspired" to journal. I could say I have been too busy, which I have been fairly busy. I could say I have been too tired...but that doesn't apply. I guess it boils down to I have been a blah lately. So many things around me that I allow to bring me down. I find that my optimism seems to be diminishing some these days. Which, in itself is a bit depressing. I have generally always been a pretty "up" person. There have been few other times in my life that I have found that my surroundings and the people that I was surrounded by have generated a "drain" in my attitude. I have always said that "attitude" is a choice and that is ABSOLUTELY true!!! That being said, part of that choice is making sure you remove yourself from "life drainers" in this world. Life drainers suck the positive energy out of every situation and the people around them. I am not sure where my "life sucker" is located....could it be...I am the life sucker for once??? Maybe I have myself totally to blame this time and I don't know how to fix it. I know God is somehow working through this, but it seems like I have been in a "funk" for a while. I know He is waiting on me to give it up to Him to fix, and I keep trying to control it myself. Why do we find it so difficult to let things go?? Imagine it has something to do with the fact that we are afraid of what He will show to us and it won't be how we want it to be resolved. I need a brain re-boot. Start from scratch and more than likely it will clear itself out after the shutdown and reboot.

Prayer: Lord, help me reboot my brain. Help me hear You and be Your light in this world. Your light is bright and shining even in the deepest pit Your light shines. As we head into the week that You were celebrated with Palms and the crucified on the cross, help me find the joy in every day. Not be a life sucker to those around me and be a small beacon of Your light on this world and those around me. You sacrificed all for us and at the very least we can celebrate every day that You give us on this earth.
In Your most awesome and holy name. I love You and I am soooo grateful that You love me even when I am not optimistic, Amen.

TGFT

Why do we spend so much time wishing our days away? It dawned on me today, as a few of us joked about "hump day" and how we couldn't wait until the weekend, that it is a very disheartening to think of our lives that way. With so much talk of living like there is no tomorrow or having a fulfilling life....why do we keep wishing for the week to pass just to get to the weekend? Whether it is a hectic work life, crazy schedules with kids or family commitments we all do it...TGIF!! I don't want to look back and regret wishing the days would pass quicker. I wish all the time that my kids would stop growing up too quickly, that I wouldn't get any older, that my parents wouldn't age, and that some how time could stand still. One of the classic "want our cake and eat it too" dilemmas...Good stuff stay forever and bad stuff go away.
God promises to be with us thru all the trials of life and our journey with Him grows each day. I imagine He gets pretty frustrated with our whining about our awful lot in life considering all He has given us. So, how do we change our attitudes toward this endless cycle? Find joy in the Lord....focus on His plan, even though we may not know what it is. He has us on a path and every day, every encounter, every bad thing that goes wrong during that day is part of that plan. Look for Him in everything. He is there...we just have to acknowledge Him and listen!!! It's easier to whine than push ourselves thru the tough stuff believing that God will guide us. So, I'm aiming for every day is Thank God for Today...everyday. TGFT

Phillipians 4:6-8 The Message
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me.

Short People

So far, enough encouragement has been sent my way to at least keep posting for now. Nothing like a little positive reinforcement to encourage a talker to keep talking!!! For those of you that know me, realize that is not a problem for me. To be such a short person, my mouth seems to totally overcompensate for that "shortcoming". Don't worry short jokes have never bothered me...although I never liked that song "Short People Got No Reason To Live". Again for those of you who know me very well, are fully aware that I am now singing that song in my head.

That song really is so depressing. I certainly believe that I have every reason to live. First of all..God still wants me on this earth for some reason. I am trying to listen more carefully for that reason every day. I struggle internally trying to determine if the voice in my head is God leading me or Satan. I worry that in my attempt to control the situation that Satan whispers quietly enough that I hear him more clearly than God, and since it agrees with what I was thinking anyway..it must be correct. When actually the answer is much easier...when in doubt, keep praying and praying and praying. God will show the way if we only listen and wait for Him to answer in His time. I often say,"God is never late", but I don't listen to my own advice.

Back to the song...2nd reason to live.. God still needs me to raise my two kids with my hubby. That being said at the same time as I tell Coop to eat 2 more bites of his hamburger. How exactly do we come up with these random number of bites to eat? I don't remember seeing any guidelines on how to judge this, but my parents did the same to me so I guess it just happens. The bargaining begins with his ultimate goal being the "Little Debbie" cupcake he has spied in the pantry. More importantly, raising Christian kids is tough these days. I feel so fortunate that they have a strong church family. Every once in a while something happens that gives me reaffirmation that they get it.

Coop had dropped more than half of a container of fish food in his tank and needless to say it had to be emptied. As I began to remove the fish from the tank, I explained to him that the fish might not make it thru this because of the extreme water changes. Immediately, he bowed his head and began praying for his fish...he got it.

When I started typing tonight I had no idea what I was gonna say. By reminding myself of the two most important things in my life this entry has certainly turned a Monday that wasn't too good into another reason to be thankful!!
And yes, that song is still in my head!!

My First Blog

Well for those of you that will actually read this...you are official guinea pigs!! Don't really know why I decided to chronical the year I turned 40 this way, but I thought what the hey.

The best way to start would be to give you some background. I am married, have 2 kids (which will no doubt dominate this blog) 2 dogs and wonderful family. 2010 marks some big milestones for me. I will have my 20th wedding anniversary, my daughter turns 16 and I turn 40!! My life revolves around my kids. They are the best munchkins a girl like me could ask for in this world. God so blessed my husband and I with them. I am often blown away at the fact that He picked us to raise them on this earth and trusted us to teach them about Him. They are two very special kids and we are very blessed to call them ours. Along with my two biological kids, I am also very blessed to call an entire youth group my adopted younguns too. I love them all with their freckles, farts, and stinking feet!!!

We (youth and adults from Pleasant View United Methodist Church)have just returned from Resurrection, a youth worship event in Gatlinburg, TN. What a weekend!! Once again, I have been truly blessed by the trust that God has put in me to be with these young adults. Being a part of their lives is a privledge. I have watched over the past 3 three years the growth of their faith and maturity in who they are as Christians. They have pushed me to be a better Christian and more accountable to them. This weekend, as I watched our youth band "Good Question" play and lead worship to more than 4000 followers I was so proud of them. This weekend we had 7 youth ask Christ to come into their lives and so many others that made commitments to change things in their lives so that they can be closer to God. Something was different about this years Rez experience....more conviction. They seemed to own their commitments and those who were there know what I mean. These young adults are pushing us adults to step it up, and we have to meet that challenge. So how do we do that???

I know I have the responsibility to God and those kids to lead a better life. So, here we go....